Lost
by Hopias
Summary: Regina was only five years old when her older sister had gone missing from trying to save her. What would happen when after eleven years she comes back but as completely a different person? How can she deal with her sister's return when she hasn't even dealt with the effects of her loss. Trigger Warning: Heavily angsty and depressing.
1. Chapter 1

**[S7 SPOILERS ON A/N AHEAD]**

 **This story is mainly inspired by Victoria and Ivy's relationship in S7 and Victoria's death scene. That made my heart clenches like after that scene I saw their relationship so differently it got me shook. So I started thinking about an AU with a low-key similar situation with Regina-Cora-Zelena. I also couldn't help adding Robin. Let's be real, I love OQ and after 7x12's episode... Oh my. I need Robin man. Robin is Robin. Ok sorry for blabbing. Hope you like the story.**

 **Trigger warnings for the entire story: Mentions of depression, anxiety, kidnapping, and neglect.**

* * *

" _Daddy, are we at the beach yet?" A five year old Regina asks. "I want to see the turtles!"_

" _Regina just be patient. We'll be there soon." An eight year old Zelena responds._

 _Zelena leans over to Regina in the back seat of the car, putting an arm around her younger sister._

" _Regina listen to your older sister. We'll be there sooner than you think." Cora, their mother states._

 _When Cora turns her head from the passenger seat she sees an already asleep Regina and Zelena. Her heart fills with warmth seeing her two girls together. Wanting to make the scene last. She takes a polaroid out of her purse and takes a quick picture._

 _Not an hour later the family reaches the beach._

" _Girls, don't run too far away from us!" Henry yelled._

" _Zelena watch your sister, sweetie." Cora yelled preparing the blanket and the food on the sand._

 _Minutes later Cora and Henry heard a loud scream for mommy and daddy. They quickly ran towards Regina by the hatched turtle eggs._

" _Regina what happened what's wrong?" Henry asked._

 _Cora looks around for Zelena but she's nowhere to be found. She grabs Regina's arm with a bit more pressure intended. "Where's your sister? What happened?" She starts yelling unintentionally._

" _There- there was a man. He was gonna take me. But- but Zelena pushed him off and they took her instead." Regina says in between sobs. "I'm sorry mommy. I'm- I'm-" and at that moment Regina collapses._

 _Regina wakes up with beeping machines surrounding her. A flash of white hits her eyes. "Mommy? Daddy?"_

 _Henry appears in front of her. "You're ok sweetheart" He comforts her lightly. He sweeps the stray hairs away from her face and holds her hand trying to calm her down._

" _I-I had a nightmare." Regina explains as her eyes start to gloss with tears. "Ze saved me but... she's gone."_

 _Henry's face droops. How was he going to explain to a five year old that someone tried to take her but end up losing her sister instead._

" _Sweetie. Ze is gone." he lightly whispers as he pats her head._

 _Regina's head lifts up to look at her father trying to look for answers. "It's all my fault. I'm so sorry."_

" _No sweetie, it's not. I don't ever want you blaming yourself for what happened to your sister. It was an accident and I promise I will do everything to get her back."_

 _At that moment, Cora enters the room unconscious about the fact that Regina was already awake. "I talked to the police and the private investigator. They don't have a lead on the person that took her." Cora slumps to the empty couch in the hospital room. "I don't know what to do Henry. I can't lose Zelena. I fought tooth and nail just to bring her into this world and for what? To have someone take her away from me?"_

 _Henry moves close to his wife leaving Regina alone while she pretends to sleep and continues to listen. "We will find her. You must have hope. We all do"_

 _At that moment Regina hugs her favorite monkey doll tightly as she her tears fall._

* * *

"And where do you think you're going young lady?" Henry asks firmly from the hotel suite kitchen.

"Shit." Regina quietly states.

She lets go of the door handle and turns around smiling awkwardly at her father. "I was just… going down to the lobby just to check things out."

Henry looks at his now 16 year old daughter. "Uh-huh." He responds. "And you plan going down to the lobby with an entire purse and a heavy coat?"

Regina's shoulders drop. She knew there was no point in lying to her father. "Ok fine. You caught me. I was going to go out and check things out."

"Regina! You know the rules when we travel."

Regina throws her hands up in the air, "But that's so unfair! What's the point of me tagging along with you and Mom for business trips when all I can do is sit in a lame office listening to you talk with old people! I'm sixteen and we're at London come on! I need an adventure. I'm not that little girl anymore that you have to protect all the time!"

Henry sighs in defeat. "Ok fine. But you may only be out for no more than two hours. Your phone must be always on you at all times for any emergency."

"Yes daddy" Regina says with a smiling forming on her face.

"And you have your pepper spray and your battery pack?"

Regina nods.

"Remember if anyone tried to steal your phone, your wallet, your purse, or anything just give it to them. We can replace those things but we can't replace you."

Regina gives him a sad smile before leaving knowing that he was thinking about Zelena again.

As she rides down the elevator she can feel her heart clenching. A sudden wave of anxiety hits her so she holds her chest and tries to breathe. She crouches down to the floor trying to hold herself. _This will pass like it always does. You're going to be fine._ She thinks to herself. _It will wash over._

The elevator dings open and a tall woman with bright orange hair walks in with a handsome sandy blonde man.

"Oh dear." The lady says "Are you alright?"

Regina stands up nodding her head. "I'm fine. Just a bit thrown off, you know." She says trying to give the man and a woman a bright smile.

"Are you sure?" The man asks with a concerned face.

"I'm sure."

The man looks at her trying to read her but he figured it was best not to push a stranger into talking. He stretches his hand forward and introduces himself, "Robin Locksley, Milady."

Regina grabs his hand and responds, "Regina, Regina Mills."

The lady with him also reaches her hand forward, "Helena Green."

Regina takes her hand and says, "It's nice to meet you both."

* * *

The next day Regina is forced to come with her parents to a meeting with her parents.

As she waits for them in the lobby she grunts a bit too loudly.

"Woah there your majesty, has someone done something that was displeasing to you?"

She looks up following the deeply accented voice. _Robin._ "What are you doing here?"

Robin beams at her, "My father actually… ummm is the owner of this hotel." He trails off.

At that moment Cora and Henry made their way down to the lobby.

"Regina sweetie, let's go." Her father called out.

Regina looks to her parents, "Actually Daddy, I was wondering if I could stay here instead."

Cora looked at Regina sternly, "You know the rules when we travel Regina, you are to stay where we are. You're not allowed to go anywhere. We don't need you to go missing like your sister did."

 _And there it is. The constant reminded that Zelena is gone._ Regina's face fell, something that didn't go unnoticed to Robin.

"Good Morning Mr. and Mrs. Mills, my name is Robin Locksley. I offered Ms. Mills earlier to be her guide for the day, but she said she wasn't sure if you'd let her. So I was wondering if you'd grant her the allowance of spending the day with me."

Henry looks at the boy that couldn't be older than 18, "And what makes you think we'll let you take our daughter out for the day?"

"Nothing sir. But I assure you she'll be completely safe with me. My father owns the hotel and I'll make sure she'd be home by 10 tonight."

Henry nods but state firmly, "No later than 10 you understand?"

"Yes sir." They both state in unison.

Robin grabs Regina's hand and they both run towards the main entrance.

Once they reached outside Regina faces him. "You didn't have to do that you know. I don't mean to be an inconvenience to you."

Robin swats the air to say no and grabs her hand. "You Milady will never be an inconvenience to me and plus I'm the one that decided to drag you with me."

Regina blushes lightly and feels a light flutter in her stomach. "So… what are we doing today?"

"I'm supposed to meet Helena out for lunch today, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't mind."

No less than thirty minutes they reach "Café Rendezvous" where Helena was already seated.

"Hey Leen" Robin greets. "Hope you don't mind that Regina tags along."

"No problem at all." She says beaming at the both of them.

They spent the entire afternoon walking around town touring Regina around and talking about their life.

Robin opens up about his family. That although his parents are always away he's thankful that his grandparents are always there for him. At the moment Robin starts talking about his best friends Will and John, Regina snickers and the "Robin Hood and his Merry Men" jokes start to pour in.

Helena on the other hand shares the story of her family. She lives with her mother and two brothers. Her story started out as the perfect family until she started to talk about her father's death.

When Helena was thirteen she loved her father very much. She went to tag along everywhere with him. So one day she tagged along with her father to the market. To make a long story short Helena was supposed to be ran over by a car but her father grabbed her and he got hit instead. Not moments later, he died.

Regina looks at Helena with pure pity but she wasn't having it. "Don't do that. Don't look at me like I'm some sad child." Helena blurts out.

Robin breaks the tension, "What about you Regina, it's your time to share."

Regina looks at Robin, "And what makes you think I have a story." She flirts.

"Based on the way your parents guard you and the tad bit they shared about your sister tells me there's a story."

Regina looks up to him pushing the tears back. Some people might think that it should be easy for her to talk about her sister by now. It's been eleven years after all. But nobody will understand that she didn't lose just a sister or a best friend; she also lost her mom.

More tears threatened to trickle, but no. She's not weak and she's definitely not crying here. Crying happens behind closed doors where no one is there to hear nor judge you.

"Regina?" She hears them call out.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry." Regina shakes her head. "Uhhh my sister was kidnapped when I was five. They were suppose to take me, but she saved me and they took her instead."

Helena and Robin look at her intensely, "Oh my god, I'm so sorry."

"It's fine. It was long ago. I don't even remember what really happened." She says.

* * *

Back at the hotel that night Robin and Regina left Helena at the lobby for awhile.

Helena taps her foot impatiently. What is taking them so long? She asks herself looking at her watch. They've been gone for thirty minutes now. It does NOT take someone that long to get coffee!

Helena spins around quickly accidentally bumping into a woman. "Apologies" she quickly says looking at the woman.

"Zelena." The older woman says.

* * *

 **A/N: Thoughts?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Trigger Warnings: Depression and Anxiety**

* * *

"Pardon me." Helena responds. As she tries to walk away the lady grabs her arm and pulls her into a tight hug.

"My sweet darling." The random woman weeps with tears in her eyes.

Helena tries to break free, but the woman's grip gets tighter. As she suddenly starts to stroke her hair they were cut off with the voice of Regina.

"Mother?" A confused Regina says.

Cora looks at Regina, beaming with glee, "Regina, this is your older sister. This is Zelena."

Robin's hand tightens around Regina's.

A million thoughts run through her mind. _That's impossible. It can't be. No._ Regina shakes her head, "Mom, that's Helena not Zelena."

Regina notices the confusion in Helena's face. So she reaches for Cora's arm in order to pull her away from Helena's side.

But before Regina could even get her mother an inch away from her "sister* Cora swats her hand while her tears start to trickle down her face. Her heart slightly tense from the shock.

Helena looks at the woman intently, "I'm sorry, but I don't know what you're talking about." She pushes Cora's arm away from hers and runs out of the lobby.

Cora's heart suddenly sinks. She whips her head towards Regina. "Go upstairs to the suite. NOW!"

Regina flinches at the tone of her voice. Robin detects her uneasiness since he can feel her slightly shaking.

Cora glances at Robin for a split second and rapidly walks towards the elevator.

Once Cora was gone, Regina let the unshed tears from her eyes fall.

"Are you alright?" He asks.

"I'm…" Regina looks for a proper word to say. She can't say she's fine or well, for the fact that they both know she's not. He's just asking for assurance that she's not about to breakdown or anything. _There's no point in lying._ "I'm…I'll manage."

Robin squeezes her hand once more to let her know that he's always there for her.

Regina appreciated the gesture so she squeezes back.

"Regina–"

"Don't, say anything. I should go now." Robin loosens his grip on Regina's hand.

Robin watches Regina slowly walking away and he lets out a sigh. _This is going to be a mess._

As the elevator door shuts her heart clenches. It feels like someone is holding it, squeezing it. _It hurts... It hurts so much._

She closes her eyes trying to let the pain go. She's confused and she doesn't understand anything. _How?_ She asks herself. Helena can't be her sister, her sister has been gone for more than a decade, so how?

* * *

Helena came home with tears flowing down her cheeks. _They're lying! I'm- I'm not- I'm not Regina's missing sister! It's impossible!_

Once she opened the front door of her _home_ she immediately ran upstairs. Diana follows her sensing something is wrong.

Her mom walks to her bedroom door lightly knocking, "Hunny, are you alright?"

No one answers.

Her mother was about to walk away until she hears the silent whimpers. She walks to the door and turns the door knob to enter.

Once Diana enters, Helena was on the floor trying to wipe her tears away. Her mother's heart shattered. "Oh sweetie, what happened? Did you tell Robin the way you feel? Did he break your heart?"

Helena shakes her head. "No." she whispers.

Her mother sits next her on the floor. She puts an arm around Helena's shoulder and hugs her tightly. "Hunny, you know you can tell me anything."

Big red rimmed blue eyes look up to Diana, "Am I- Am I adopted?"

Diana forgets to breathe for a moment. "What? Why would you ask such a thing?"

"Because I met this girl and while waiting for her in the hotel her mother pulled me and starting holding me tightly. She called me her daughter. So am I? Am I adopted?"

"I'm so sorry Hunny." And that's all that it took for Helena to know the truth.

Helena sinks further onto the floor. 'I'm so sorry Hunny. Your father and I were going to tell you when you were 18, but things changed when he died. I never found the courage to tell you without him. I'm so sorry."

* * *

The elevator door opens and she tries to pull herself together. She can't enter the suite and face her parents looking like the way she does. She's stronger than this. She's not someone who needs her parents looking after every little thing she does, criticizing, and judging.

She steps out of the elevator and walks toward their suite. As she pushes the door slowly she can hear her parents fighting.

"What do you mean you found Zelena?" Her father asks trying to calm her mother.

"There was this girl in the lobby. I can't mistake her for someone else! I know it's her! I know she's my daughter!"

"Cora! You have to relax! This isn't the first time you've thought someone was Zelena. How can you be so sure this time?"

Regina enters the suite, her parents oblivious to her arrival. She tries to escape to her room on the other side so she walks quickly trying to avoid her parents.

"Because I looked into her eyes. I felt it when I touched her. I felt all my love for her rush in. You have to believe me Henry!"

"I- I…" her father stutters.

"Of course you wouldn't believe me because you never understood the anguish and the pain of losing her like I did!"

"What? How can you- how can you say that? Zelena was my daughter as much as she was yours!"

"But she isn't yours, so you would never understand the way I felt. She's not your flesh and blood so you never felt the same pain as I did! Can you honestly tell me that you wouldn't have put more energy or money into the search if Regina was the one that was taken?"

Henry stood there silently. He knew his wife was right, maybe he could've put in a bit more extra effort for the search. He loves Zelena always have and always will, but the connection that Cora has with Zelena will always be stronger than his connection with her.

Cora fell to the floor and sobbed. "I- I did everything to make sure I would bring her into this world safely. I ran away from home to keep her away from the taunting of my family for being born without a proper family structure. I tried to keep her safe, but I couldn't. I failed. I tried so hard."

Henry kneels down to Cora. "I know." He comforts her.

He wraps his arms around his wife calming her down. "I know you tried and I'm sorry for not trying harder. If you believe that she's Zelena then what's the harm in trying to find out."

Regina finally shuts the door closed to her room and falls to the ground. She pulls her knees up to her chest and cries. She let's the tears fall to her cheeks. Her heart feels heavy and her mind is fuzzy. _What the hell is going on?_

After a few more tears she gets up to grab her phone and earphones. She quickly plugs them in and plays her music.

 _And she lies, tonight_

 _Underneath a caving roof_

 _And she cries, tonight_

 _Wondering what she can do_

 _And she tries, tonight_

 _Remembering who she once knew_

 _But they've died, inside_

 _Another empty bottle takes a life_

She listens and listens until sleep finally takes her tired self over.

In a few hours Regina wakes up with her eyes stinging a bit from all the crying. She flutters her eyes trying to focus on the clock. _3:34_ _am_ she reads.

She closes her eyes trying to fall asleep again but she can't. She twists and and turns. She fluffs and refluffs her pillows. _Damn it!_ she thinks

She closes her eyes again and is taken away by sleep but sadly no more than 15 min later she is awake again. _I guess I'm not sleeping tonight then._

Regina takes her ipad from the side table and waits for the sun to rise.

* * *

When Regina checks the time again it says 7:45 am. _Well, I guess it's time to get up._

She puts her unicorn slippers on and was about to twist the doorknob until she heard. "Cora you can't just barge into Regina's room and ask her details about her friend's life."

"And why not? I've waited years for this day Henry. I am not about to lose my daughter again because of Regina."

"Cora!" Henry scolds, "It is not Regina's fault why Zelena was taken in the first place. It was an accident!"

Cora groans and shakes her head. "I know." She says solemnly "I just can't help it. I'm frustrated."

"Come on, let's go find some breakfast. We'll deal with this when we return."

She releases her grip of the door knob and slips back into her bed. She has always blamed herself for what happened, but actually hearing it from her mother makes the pain all too real. So she lays on the once again cold bed, letting all the demons in her head consume her. The thoughts that she's suppressed behind walls, suddenly breaking through. She lets out a sigh and wonders if everything would be better if she was the one who was taken instead. Maybe just maybe, they'd care for her too.

* * *

 **Thought?**


	3. Chapter 3

Regina feels the bed sink causing her to wake a little. She blinks her eyes trying to make out the person in her room. "Daddy?" She calls out.

"Hi Mija" He whispers setting the food down to the glass side table by the bed. "You haven't eaten anything all day. You haven't even left the room." He reaches for her hand and holds it tightly. "Are you feeling alright?"

Regina blinks a few times holding back the tears that wanted to escape. She suppresses the. _pain?_ If she was to be honest to herself she doesn't even know what she's feeling. She has all these emotions welled up but she doesn't understand them.

"I'm alright." She says plastering a smile. "Are you?"

Henry looks at his daughter. Moving the few stray hairs away from her face. He looks at Regina closely. _Where did time go?_ He asks himself. _What happened all these years?_ Henry gives her a sad smile. "I'm ok Mija. Just ignore your mother for awhile. We'll figure this out. Don't worry."

Regina realizes that he was telling her that more for himself than for her. He wants to believe that nothing is going on. Regina sits up on her bed taking her father's hand with her other hand. "Daddy remember when I was 4 and I would fight with Ze for always beating me in anything. How when we would have a race she'd get there first or when we would play with the playstation and I would lose every single game."

Henry nods his head a genuine smile appearing on his face. "And you would get so mad you would sit in a corner until you'd forget what you were mad about."

Regina returns a tight smile and squeezes her father's hand. "If Mom thinks that Helena is Zelena, I think we should take the shot. I wouldn't mind having someone to compete with again as long as Mom is happy."

* * *

The Mills arrive at a small two story home.

As Cora looks around she finds family pictures all over but a picture of a child catches her attention. The child was beautiful. She has a mop of orange curls with eyes bright at the sky. Tears well up in Cora's eyes because she's absolutely sure that Helena was her baby.

Diana, Helena's mother walks behind Cora, "That was taken a couple days after we found her."

The two women sits on the living room couch followed by Henry.

"How did you exactly find her?" Cora asked, "We were in the US when she went missing."

Diana holds Cora's hand as a simple gesture. She didn't know if the other woman would be receptive but it was definitely worth a shot. Lucky for Diana, Cora was very focused in the life of her daughter and was accepting and willing to anything at this point.

"To be honest, we don't know how she got here. We looked for someone to claim her for months but no one did and we couldn't get any information from her since she didn't remember anything"

* * *

 _George Green stopped by the market in order to buy red onions for his wife. As he was about to climb the driver's seat in his car he heard a light sniffle._ Nah, it's probably nothing. _He thinks, but the sniffling starts again and this time he knows he's not imagining anything._

 _George tries to follow the sniffling that seems to get louder and louder. Behind a tree there was a dirty little girl that sat with her knees up to her chest._

" _Sweetheart, are you lost?" George asks trying to reach for the girl._

" _I want mommy." She cries._

 _George manages to get her to stand up and take his hand. "Where is your mommy?"_

 _The little girl only states at him and restates, "I want mommy." and she goes back to crying her tired little blue eyes._

 _George lifts up the little girl into his arm not knowing what to do with her. Should he take her to the authorities or what?_

 _George climbs on to his car thinking that it was best for his wife to decide. He positions the still crying little girl in the passenger seat and drives back home._

 _The minute the door opens Diana's eyes centers at the child on his arms. Her eyes lights on fire and she rushes back inside. "You motherfucker! You aren't content with all the bitches that you have! You had to bring a child here too! How dare-"_

" _Diana this isn't my child!" He tries to reason._

" _And you expect me to believe that!" She yells as she throws pillows from the couch at him._

 _The little girl grips her arm tighter on the man, crying._

" _Diana if you hit this child I swear!" He tries to dodge every single object that she threw at him but the sight of the child crying seems to mellow her out._

 _George gets closer to his wife, "Look despite what you think, I never have and I never will cheat on you. I love you." He bounces the scared and crying child on his arms trying to calm her down._

" _Give her to me. You don't know how to soothe a child."_

 _George obliges and the minute she's on Diana she quietly sniffles and calls out for her mommy._

" _What are we going to do?"_

 _George rakes his hand through his hair, "I thought you would be able to tell me."_

* * *

Regina and Helena sits across from each other inside Helena's room.

"So," Regina starts, "you really don't remember us?"

Helena shakes her head cautiously, "No, I'm sorry."

Regina breathes heavily only being able to nod awkwardly.

Helena reaches for Regina's hand and looks into her eyes deeply, "This friendship we have-" she signals referring to the both of them, "I hope that it doesn't end just because of this."

Regina only nods.

Not a few minutes later Henry and Cora walk in hand in hand followed by Diana.

Cora and Henry both offer Helena the chance to be with them even againand to make their family whole once more but Helena declines. Something that made Cora's heart break.

"You're declining?" Regina asks.

Helena could only look at her with pure sorrow. "I'm really sorry Regina, Mr. and Mrs. Mills, but I can't."

"Why not?" Cora asks with her voice breaking a little bit more than intended.

"Because my family is here. I understand that you guys are my birth family but these are the people I grew up with and they know me better than anyone else."

Henry looks at both of his broken girls and tries to understand where Helena is coming from. "I- We understand completely." Cora turns to Henry and gives him a glare. "But I want you to know that we don't leave here for a couple more days so, if you ever do change your mind or if you just want to see the other side, give us a call and we'll do everything for you."

Mr. and Mrs. Mills leave soon after along with Regina. Helena sits in the backyard with her nose scrunched and her lips on a pout thinking and thinking.

"What's wrong with your face?" Helena hears behind her.

Helena looks behind her to find Robin standing with his arms crossed, She shakes her head and continues to stare out into the open sky.

"Hey what's wrong?" Robin asks taking the empty seat next to Helena.

"I'm just thinking." She states disconnectedly.

"About?"

Helena turns to Robin, "Me getting lost. Regina's parents offered me to live with them in the US and a part of me wants to go but another can't just get up and leave this place. I can't help but wonder if my life would be better and less complicated if I had never gotten lost."

Robin takes Helena's hand, something that send electricity through her veins. " I can answer that!" He smiles. "Your life wouldn't have been better if you had never gotten lost because that would mean, you would've never met me."

Helena laughs a little. "Robin! I'm serious."

"So am I!" He states firmly. "Without me your life would be dull and boring. Admit it! I bring the fun here."

Helena rolls her eyes. "Whatever." She lays her head on Robin's shoulder. "But seriously, what do I do?" She asks.

Robin squeezes her hand for reassurance. "I don't know, but I do know that you'll figure it out."

* * *

Back in the hotel room Regina sits with her parents, picking at her dinner.

"We shouldn't have left her." Her mother states coldly. 'We should've have stayed. We should have made her come."

"Cora please." Henry starts. "Let's not talk about this right now."

Regina has honestly had enough bout this. She's tired of this whole charade and the faking that she's fine so she snaps. 'Yes Mother, can we please not talk about people who aren't here right now and who chooses not to be here right now."

Cora lifts her head up from her plate. "Your sister isn't here because…" She stops before she says anything she'll regret but sadly Regina finishes her sentence for her.

"-of me. Come on just say it." Regina stands up and starts to walk to the other side of the table next to Cora. "It's my fault. I'm the reason why she's gone."

Henry stands up quickly to hold Regina back before any damage is done. "Regina! Stop it." He warns but he's too late.

"No! This is all my fault. Just admit it mom. I'm the reason why she got lost. I'm the reason why she can't remember us so she chose another family. I'm owning the blame so now when will you own yours? When will you start to admit that it's your fault why we're fucked up."

"Regina that's enough!" Her father yells.

"When will you admit that our family is a dead piece of shit because you can't move anywhere or do anything without associating Zelena. So when will you admit that this family is falling apart and is a hell hole because of you!"

Regina was silenced by a hard and loud slap from across the face.

"How dare you insult me and blame me!" Cora yells. "This isn't anyone's fault but-"

"Cora! That's enough!" Henry stops her before she says anything that can probably bring Regina into a deeper path of the darkness she's already in.

Regina wriggles out of her father's grip and runs for her bathroom inside her room. She jumps in the shower crying as she turns it on. She crouches down on the shower floor holding herself as she cries. _I hate myself! I hate my life! I hate myself!_ She repeat to herself as she continues to rock and hold herself on the floor. Her heart starting to clench again, accompanied by her stomach. _Why couldn't it have been me to disappear? Maybe that way mother wouldn't be like this. It isn't like I was and will always be the favorite. Maybe if I was to be the one who disappeared I would've just disappeared in their thoughts and memories too. If I could just disappear, I would._

* * *

 **Thoughts?**

 **A/N: Btw if you haven't checked out my other stories, you totally should. ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

Regina wakes up unable to open her eyes— they were swollen from all the crying she did last night. She puts extra strength in trying to keep them open up but no matter what she does they feel as if they were to about drop on the floor. She runs back to her bathroom glancing at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were puffy and red but that wasn't something that a little concealer couldn't fix.

Stepping outside of her bedroom, she's dressed for the day already hid any evidence of last night. She scans the room for any sign of her mother but she only finds her father reading the newspaper with his morning coffee.

"Buenos dias, Mija" Henry greets.

"Morning, Daddy," she returns a little hesitant.

Her eyes scans around the room trying to find her mother.

"Don't bother sweetheart. Tu madre salió a noche. She said that she'll be staying at Helena's for awhile."

She lets out a breath that she didn't even know she was holding in. "Oh. But what about our flight?" she asks.

"Your mother is old enough to know what she's doing so don't worry. As for us, we're still going back to the U.S, so if you want to see your friend again to say goodbye then you should do it quickly. You still need to pack." Her father was never the best at comfort, but he tries.

"I'll be alright. I don't even know if he's really my friend anyways."

* * *

Weeks pass and Cora was having the best time of her life with Helena. She tried her best to get to know the child she lost.

She was quite pleased to know that many things that Zelena used to like, Helena still likes. How she wouldn't eat pasta if it had any sausage in it but she would gladly accept extra servings of mushrooms. How she would refuse to let anyone fix her hair and would extremely get mad for touching her hair.

Cora was learning every inch of her daughter. She was getting to know her again. She realized that Helena has grown into a chemist major but she has this weird liking for monkeys. "That's why her first boyfriend looked like one." Diana once joked. That Cora chuckled to whole heartedly.

For the first time in a long time, she felt whole and complete. The missing piece of her was pieced back and the hole in heart was filled again. It was truly a wonderful time but the time for her to face reality and go back to the States came shortly. She knew that she it was never going to last forever, but she sure as hell cherished every single moment of it.

Cora slowly folds her clothes on the bed, packing it inside her suitcase.

"So, it's really your last night." A soft voice utters from the door.

Cora recognizing the voice releases a deep sigh, "It is." she responds solemnly.

Helena walks forward, sinking on the open space on the bed. "I'm going to miss you." she expresses.

Cora walks towards her daughter and occupies the space next to her. Softly she pushes the stray soft orange-golden curls away from her daughter's face. "You really are beautiful, much more beautiful than I could've ever imagined."

Helena takes Cora's hands and gives her a soft smile. Despite not really remembering Cora as a mother, she knew that she was a part of her life once and she know that she wants her to be a part of her life forever.

"I know that I came here and I practically ruined the life that you were accustomed to, and I don't expect you to come home with me because it's evident that this is your home." Cora places both of her second hand on top of Helena's and meets her eyes as if she were pleading. "I mean, at first yes I wanted you to be mine no matter how selfish it may be. But now, all I want is for you to live a happy life and for to be somewhat part of that life." Tears start to prickle in both of their eyes. "I just want you to let me in your heart even if it's just a tiny part."

And with that said Helena quickly grasp Cora in a hug. She's made a decision. She's going to the US with Cora.

* * *

Regina sits on the rooftop of an abandoned building, opening her second` bottle of beer.

"That's really how you're going to spend your birthday Love, drinking? A bit pathetic, don't you think?" a scruffy voice announces out in the corner.

"Shut up KIllian. What are you even doing here?" She answers a bit annoyed..

"What am I doing here? What are you doing here?"

Regina and Killian were best friends. Back when they were dating in middle school, the main foundation of being together was finding common ground in hurt and comfort.

When they met, they were both in a terrible place in life. They were dealing with being a teen while having a complicated home setting.

When they met, Killian's parents finalized their divorce before beginning middle school. He drove his anger towards himself until he discovered that his father had cheated on her mother. When he hated his father, he also learned that when his mother found out, she did the exact same and cheated with a coworker. His life was completely ran by his anger and pain.

Regina was on a similar boat. At the time they met, she felt nothing but emptiness and hurt. She's never really felt anything but loneliness. She wanted love and understanding but no one understood her enough to give her the right one.

So one day when she was crying out for help, Killian answered.

But, like everything else in Regina's life though, nothing stays for very long. Once they stepped into high school and he met Emma, she was instantly pushed as a third wheel, and was eventually demoted to an outcast. She understood then because they actually liked each other. Whatever Emma gave him, even if they were the on again-off again type, she could never give so she wasn't going to be selfish. After a short while their communication decreased and decreased to Hi's and Hello's at the hallway.

Killian walks over and sits next to Regina, "you're still my friend Regina." He puts an arm around her and grabs a bottle of beer. "And plus, no one should spend their birthday alone."

Regina's eyebrows arches up giving him a pointed look. "You're one to talk."

"Mine is different." He blatantly states. He notices Regina's solemn expression after he takes a swig of his beer.

She rolls her eyes at his persistence. "Why are you here anyways?" Regina asks.

Killian releases a deep sigh, "Emma and I broke up around three weeks ago and I don't know what to do anymore?."

"You'll be chasing her like a love sick puppy, soon enough."

He chuckles to himself at how sad his relationship was. "So..." he trails trying to change the subject, "why don't you tell me why it looks like you're mourning someone's death instead of celebrating your life."

She chuckles dryly, "you know, you can't really celebrate someone's life when that person died inside a long time ago."

He lets out an understanding sigh, "Why don't you tell me what's going on, maybe I can help."

"You can't." she mutters.

"I'll be the judge of that."

"It's Zelena," she confesses.

Killian only nods in understanding and waits for her to go on.

"We found her," she continues.

Regina finishes her bottle of beer and she reaches over to grab another one. After taking a few more swigs of the bottle, she finally confides everything to Killian and how she truly felt once she was found. Her mouth was in rambles and her mind was overflowing, but she still got the point across. The truth was, no matter how much she tried to be happy she couldn't.

"Did you know that I was the one that encouraged Daddy to help Mother find her. I told myself that I did it because I saw how devastated Mother was. I did it because I wanted the guilt to go away and I thought it would change the way I felt." Tears started to form in her eyes and slowly fall onto her cheeks when she couldn't hold it in anymore. "I wanted to change my feelings so badly."

"But?" He asks.

"It never did." She drops her head onto her palms sobbing. "Why am I such a bad person Killian?"

"Hey, hey." He picks up her face to face him. "You're not."

She stares at his eyes, "But I am. I was happy that she didn't want to come. What person would want that for her family."

Their faces were merely only inches away. "I know you too well, you're not a bad person, Regina," he pushes a stray hair behind her ear. They pause for a couple of seconds just staring at each other.

Their faces get closer and closer until he covered her mouth with his. She responds immediately, surprising even herself. He tastes tentatively with his tongue, and Regina opens her mouth desperately with a low moan.

Suddenly, Killian pushes away and jumps away shaking his head. "I'm sorry, Regina," he says in a strangled voice. "I don't know what came over me. I didn't mean to take advantage."

"It's okay," She says looking at the unopened beer bottles. "Why don't we just continue to celebrate, yeah?"

Killian lets out a smirk and hands her another bottle.

* * *

It was a little over eight o'clock and the wind was slowly seeping through her jacket. Her head was pounding as from the alcohol as she fiddles with her house keys. As she thanks Killian for driving her home in her head, the door bursts open.

"Regina!"

"Mother!" She greets with a smile. Maybe today was worth celebrating after all. Her mother had came back just in time. "You're back."

"I am," Cora replies nonchalantly.

Regina jumps into her mother's arms. "I'm sorry, Mom. I was just so emotional. I shouldn't have blurted those out." Because she didn't mean to blurt them out and that's what she's really sorry for but she knows that she will never apologizing for anything that she said back then because they were all true.

Cora rubs Regina's back softly. "Me too, sweetheart. I didn't mean to burst."

Regina lifts up her head from her mother's chest smiling.

"Come on," she ushers insides excitedly "I have a surprise for you."

"Really?" Regina asks, her eyes astonished.

She quickly runs inside to the white polished and modern looking living room. Her heart is pounding fevertedly but the minute she saw her surprise her smile faltered.

"Regina," Cora calls behind her. "Your sister decided that she'd live with us. Isn't it great?" Cora moves to the side of Helena hugging her tightly. "Oh, I can't wait to show you around sweetheart."

"I think we should all celebrate Zelena, today." Henry exclaims joining the family reunion.

Regina stands in silent neither expressing the same excitement as her parents nor the disappointment brewing inside. _Why am I even still surprised?_

A sudden ring from the doorbell erupts then a loud "HAPPY BIRTHDAY GINA!" echoes throughout the white painted walls.

Ushered by one of the family's house helps comes Belle and Emma holding bags of gifts, Mary Margaret with flowers, and David with balloons.

In the back a loss Helena watch the moment play out while Henry and Cora look at each other in disarray.

"Is it her birthday?" Cora mouths.

"I thought it was next week." Henry responds with uncertainty.

"You didn't think we'd forgotten now, did you?" Emma winks at her setting the gifts on the floor to hug her followed by Belle.

Mary Margaret then quickly pushes the flowers to Regina and hugs her tightly, slightly making Regina stumble a bit. "Happy Birthday, Queenie!" She hollers.

David gives Regina a sly smirk as he pushes his hand forward for Regina to accept the balloons. He follows everyone else on hugging Regina but when he releases her, she was met with a frown. "We would've given you these earlier but we couldn't find you anywhere."

"Yeah Regina, where were you earlier?" Belle follows up.

"I-" she pauses, _was sulking in my own self pity leading to a heated and desperate make out sessions with one of my best friend slash my other best friend's ex-boyfriend._ "I just needed to step out for awhile."

"You ditched school?" her Mother asks sternly.

"I did." Regina replies coldly.

Cora opens her mouth to respond to her attitude but Henry pulls Cora back telling her this is not the time; especially since they've forgotten the birth of their own child.

Regina pulls back from all the hugs and excitement. "I'm actually really tired." she expresses again. "Why don't we continue all of this on another day. When I don't feel like shit." she continues lifting her lips into best smile she can form.

All of them agrees and bid their goodbyes to the Mills'.

Once the door was shut again, she makes her track again back into her room.

"Regina," her parents call. "We didn't know it was February 1st already. We thought we still had a couple more days."

Regina could only nod. She didn't know if she was hurt or disappointed.

"Why don't we still go out tonight." Henry responds trying to make his family happy. "We can have a double celebration for both our girls."

Regina huffs in frustration, " I don't want to."

Cora was about to lose her calm. "Young lady, we did not raise you to be rude like this."

Regina rolls her eyes as she was making her way up the stairs, "because you didn't raise me at all." she mumbles under her breath.

Cora obviously heard her say something but not audibly clear because she has Regina repeating what she just said.

"I said I have no desire to celebrate my birthday because I don't care about them anymore." She smiles mockingly. "And second, I'm drunk with a throbbing headache, okay? I ditched school today and had a heavy drinking session. So mother, if you don't mind I would like to rest."

Her words cut deep into Henry's heart. He could see past his little princess' mask and routine. Cora may think this is all just an act but he knows that she's self destructing. He's failed her now too.

Once Regina slumps onto her bed, her phone pings.

"Wanna escape this world for the night?" She reads a text message from Killian.

"Absolutely! ;)" She replies quickly.

As she makes her way down the stairs in a new pair of clothing. She has a black cut off shorts paired with a white crop top. Her make-up was dark, but not too dark. She then pops on a medium sized hoop earrings and pulls her hair up in a tight ponytail.

"Where are you going?" She hears behind her.

Regina swallows hard. "Fuck" she whispers to herself.

She turns around to find Helena with her arm across as if she was her mother. "I'm going to get my car. I left it earlier when my friend drove me home."

"Looking like that?" Helena calls her out.

Regina shrugs her shoulder and walks out of the house.

* * *

 **Thoughts?**

 **So, what do you guys think Regina is going to do with Killian? (If you're reading this for OQ don't worry Robbie will be back.)**

 **A/N: I don't know if I made Regina a bit too depressed that I originally had planned. So if you want to lighten her up, please tell me on the review or DMs. Because I don't know whether to make it darker or lighter.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thank you to those who responded to my question from last chapter! Very much appreciated! Also when I would be like "meh" to finishing any of my stories I reread the reviews to all my fics and so thaaank you!**

* * *

Regina lays on the floor opposite of Killian, the remnants of weed slowly fading.

"You ever wonder how it'd feel like to be relieved of pressure, not having to deal with anyone or anything else?"

Killian laughs coyly, "I don't deal with pressure Love, that's all you."

Regina giggles happily, "Oh right. Only I still care."

They share a short pause trying to diminish the seriousness of the topic.

"You ever wondered what it'd be like to jump off a cliff?" she continuous.

"What?" Killian asks rising up from the floor.

"You know just letting go of everything and feeling the wind rush through you." Regina smiles while Killian looks at her trying to understand what she's saying. "I've gone skydiving but it feels different when you know you're gonna be safe and a parachute is going to save you. It lowers the thrill and excitement," she shrugs.

Killian lays back down on the floor, "now you're just talking crazy."

"I'm high and I'm drunk. I'm supposed to be crazy."

"Get up Mills," he orders jumping off the floor.

Regina looks at him quizzically still laying down.

"Come on!" Killian repeats tugging on her arm.

Regina stands up and groans, "can't I just lay here and complain about life."

"No. Come on let's have fun."

"It's the middle of the night, what are we gonna do?"

Killian smirks, "ever heard of a night market?"

* * *

"Shouldn't you kids be at home, sleeping?" Their Uber driver asks.

Killian shrugs realizing quickly that their driver can't see his response. "Our parents aren't home and it's her birthday so we're making the most of it." He responds.

"Wow! You're one sweet boyfriend, aren't you," their driver compliments.

Killian turns to Regina and grins, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. "See I am an amazing boyfriend. I don't know what Emma talks about sometimes."

Regina thrust her elbow towards his stomach. "Don't," she warns.

"I'm just kidding, jeez."

"You know why she does that right? She only wants you to be the best you."

Killian nods in agreement trying not to divulge into something deeper.

* * *

Regina wakes up with a burning headache. She squeezes her eyes shut quietly begging for the pain to subside. When the pain starts to lessen slightly a shuffling next to her causing her to quickly shot her eyes open.

"Morning Luv," a grinning Killian meets her. He opens his palms to reveal two white pills. "I thought, you'd want this once you wake."

She squints her eyes harshly trying to focus on what he's offering. She downs the pills before asking for the time.

"It's around five," he responds.

"Shit," she murmurs under her breath. She grunts in pain from her head and entire body. "Do you remember last night?" She asks pushing herself to sit up on the bed.

"Honestly," he pauses trying to recollect some memories. "We went to the night market, ate, and I believe drank. How we managed to get back home in one piece is beyond me," he continuous with a sly smile.

She searches the floor for her shoes before asking if he could drive her to her car from yesterday.

"Whatever your majesty commands."

The entire car ride was quiet until he laid his hands on top of hers on her lap. "Aye, we're okay, right?"

Regina turns her face towards him, giving him a genuinely confused look, "What do you mean, why wouldn't we be okay?"

He takes a second to look at her before facing the road again. "I mean you and I, we're still best friends right? No matter what goes on between Emma and I, you'll always be my friends?"

"Killian-" she expresses softly before he cuts her off.

"I'm serious Regina, everything that I told you last night. Emma understands yeah, she get's how hard it is to be in the darkness sometimes and how much it hurts to be alone, but she isn't you. It's just different you know, you keep me around"

Regina places her other hand on top of his. "Yeah, don't worry, I've got your back. Promise."

* * *

By 6:30 in the morning she finally reaches her house.

Stepping foot inside her home, she instantly hears the bustling in the kitchen. _What in the world?_ She questions. She turns to face the kitchen-dining area, she notices her parents and Zelena having breakfast together.

Trying to be as stealthy as she could, she heads for the stairs trying to pass unnoticed. As she reaches the fourth step a loud crash can be heard from the kitchen. A fork loudly slammed on the plate.

"Where do you think you're going Ms. Mills?!" Her mother yells from the table.

"Crap," she curses to herself. She lifts her body and transforms into a stance that her mother wouldn't question. Walking to the room with her family, the clash of the plate still ringing in her brain, he mother asks her again, "Where were you this early in the morning, Missy?" Cora folds her arms across her chest and continues, "You know we don't like you going out without permission. That's one of the top rules of this house Regina!"

Regina holds her teeth together trying to promptly come up with an excuse.

"I just picked up my car, Mother," she lies, her hands fiddling with each other. "I just thought that it'd be best to go ahead and grab it with Killian instead of inconveniencing you or daddy for it," she shrugs. The lie coming out of her mouth fluidly.

In the back, Helena raises her eyebrows upward with great incredulous. She has to hand it to her sister, she's quick on her feet.

Cora continuously scans Regina trying to find a single hint of lie. "Very well then, go sit and join us for breakfast."

Regina turns around letting a deep breath, that she didn't even know that she was holding, out.

"Regina, if you ever go out without asking or decide to ditch school again, forget that you have a license or a car. If I need to hire someone or drive you around myself to make sure you're where you're supposed to be, then I will."

"Cora please," Henry warns before turning to look at Regina who was already sat and looking down on her plate, dragging her fork on the pancakes in front of her.

His wife rolls her eyes at his words. "Stop coddling her. She's not a baby anymore."

A few minutes pass and Regina had managed to down a couple bites of her food.

Cora lifts her drinks and brings it up to her mouth, carefully drinking it. She scrunches her face out of confusion before spitting out the drink back in her cup. Cora isn't the type to show such ungracefulness but that was terrible. "Remi!" She yells, calling out for their cook.

A big man in a white chef's uniform walks out of the kitchen, "yes madam."

"Why the hell does my tea taste like that?" She asks angrily.

Remi swallows harshly. "I-I apologize madam, but your daughter usually makes your tea in the morning. She didn't come down today so we- I tried to replicate it."

Cora's anger subsides and turns her attention to Regina. "I didn't know that you make my morning tea."

Regina refuses to lift her head up to look at her mother but rather continues to stab her food. She shrugs her shoulders trying to show her mother that she acknowledges what she was saying.

Helena flies off her seat offering her service. "I can make you tea. I was raised after brits after all," she proudly shares.

Cora glows in joy, "oh that would be amazing, dear!"

Anger and jealousy brew inside Regina. She's been making her mother tea for years and all she gets was "I didn't know that you make my morning tea." Regina drops her fork on the plate before she excuses herself. Her seat creating a large screeching noise as she gets up.

Cora was too captivated by Helena that she didn't even catch the loud ruckus or the fact her husband carried a frown.

Henry truly concedes that Helena was new and was doing her best to fit in and make everyone happy. he also fully understands that his wife was just trying to fill the hole in her heart from when she went missing. He genuinely didn't even know why he was upset because his family was back together again. He shakes his head to relieve himself of his thoughts and watches the sight before him— Cora hugging Zelena as tight as she can. His view all of a sudden turning to the empty open seat with a pancake filled plate in front of it. Barely any bites are taken from it but thousands of holes poked.

* * *

Regina sat on her bedroom floor staring blankly. She wasn't worth it. Her actions for years meant nothing. She woke up a ut earlier every damn day just to make her mother a cup of tea and it didn't even matter, but the one time she doesn't and her sister makes it, well fuck. The woman could fucking let out a breath and her mother will give the entire world to her.

Her heart starts to clench tighter and tighter. Her hand raises to her chest forming a fist, begging it to stop. She starts breathing deeply trying to even it out. Her hands start to feel numb and she pauses for a moment. _Is this how she's going to die_ , she wonders.

She lays her head in between her knees and tries to calm down.

A long moment passes before a knock startles her.

"Mija, are you okay?" She hears her father ask.

She lifts her head up, gripping her legs closer to her chest. She tries to gain an ounce of composure before responding. "I'm fine Daddy. I just want to sleep," she yells from her side of the door. "I-I'm fine. I swear."

"Are you sure?" He asks trying to reassure her.

"Yes. I am."

She spends the majority of the day trying to catch up on the sleep she lost last night.

"Regina?" She hears trying to blink the sleepiness away.

An old woman lays behind her and slips a hand on her lower torso to hug her. "What's wrong honey?"

Regina tries to push herself away from the woman. "Nothing."

The woman only scoots closer, "You can't lie to me. You know that."

Regina huffs, "It doesn't matter. Whether I tell you or not, nothing will change. No one cares." She responds, quietly mumbling the last part.

But the old woman hears. "I care because I've known you from the minute you were in your Mommy's belly. I care because I practically raised you from the minute you came from that hospital. I care because you're my family, you know that."

Regina turns around to face the woman. "That's the point. You raised me. My own mother couldn't even be bothered with me. And I'm not really your family. Even if I call you Gramma Fa, the truth is you're Mulan's. You'll get tired of me too and you'll end up choosing her before me." Regina's lips lift to a tight sad smile. "Honestly Gramma Fa, I'd feel better if no one even tries to be anything with me in the first place."

Regina turns back around, hugging herself tightly. An image of her grandfather flashing through her mind.

* * *

 **11 years ago…**

 _Regina sits in a crowded room waiting for her parents to arrive._ They promised. They promised, they'll be here.

 _"Okay everyone, it's time for Regina to blow her candles!" Gramma Fa announces, gathering everyone around the cake._

 _"Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday, Dear Reginaaaaaa. Happy Birthday, to you!"_

 _Gramma Fa places a hand on Regina, encouraging her to blow her candles._

 _Regina closes her eyes silently wishing in her mind._ I wish Mommy and Daddy would find their way back to me. I wish that they'd find Ze already so, Mommy isn't so sad anymore. I wish they'd find Ze so I'd be good enough for them again.

 _When the flames turn to smoke everyone starts to clap and cheer._

 _Regina retreats to their backyard sitting on the hanging swing bed._

 _"Now, I know that's not our princess sitting on the porch by herself," a voice calls._

 _"Grandma! Grandpa!" She yells out, her spirits immediately turning._

 _"What's got you down, sweetheart?" Her Grandmother asks._

 _Regina then proceeds to explain how it seems her parents are always occupied with work or finding her sister. She tells them that she understands why they're always gone, but it's so unfair how she has to stay home because they're afraid to lose her too, but they don't care enough to spend time with her at home. She then explains how sometimes she wishes that she would've gone missing instead._

 _Her grandfather didn't bother hiding his scowl at the words of his grandchild._

 _"Regina, sweetie, your parents love you." Her Grandmother tries to assure her._

 _"Aggie," her grandfather calls out. "Would you leave us alone for a moment."_

 _"Xavier, no," she quickly responds knowing what her husband would do._

 _He pleads again and she lets it go and gets up. "I'll go get you some cake."_

 _When it was just the two of them left, Xavier reaches for Regina._

 _"I know it's hard Regina. You feel like you're alone."_

 _Regina smiles lightly finally feeling like someone understands her._

 _"But let me tell you something. You are Regina Mills. Do you know what that means?"_

 _Regina shakes her head._

 _"It means that you are my grandchild and one day you'll take over The Great Mills Toy Company. I want you to remember one thing, Regina. Love is weakness. Our family didn't get this far up by being loved or care for, we got this far by striving and doing things for ourselves. You will one day be the head of our company and you have to stand on your own. Love is a weakness. Power, true power endures."_

* * *

Maybe her grandfather was right. Love was weakness because if it wasn't then why was she constantly hurting.

 _After today_ she swore. "After today, she'll be a new person."

* * *

 **Thoughts?**

 **Btw, care to guess what Disney movie Regina's grandma is from?**


End file.
